Bart and Lisa and The Forest of Mystery
by bomberswarm2
Summary: After Homer decides to make The Simpsons move house because of some strange things happening at night. Bart and Lisa get into all sorts of trouble. Homer gets a new Job. Used to be called 'I'll think of a title later'. Chapter 4 is now up. Expected release dates: Ch. 5 - TBC. R&R Please!
1. The Scary Night

Bart was sleeping when suddenly there was a sound. There were some footsteps coming up the stairs. He looked at the clock, it was 3AM. He climbed under the covers and hid. Suddenly his phone started ringing.

"I Don't Feel Like Dancing…"

"AHH! Scissor Sisters!" screamed Homer. Suddenly he kicked in the door.

"BART!" he yelled. "Why are you playing that when I'm having a midnight stroll!"

"Oh it was just you, I thought you were a robber" replied Bart. Suddenly Lisa screamed. Bart and Homer rushed in.

"What is it Lis?" asked Bart.

"There was some guy at my window with a chainsaw!" she cried. Homer looked out.

"I don't see anything" said Homer. "You must have imagined it. Goodnight." And he left. Bart went over to the window and looked out .

"Is that the guy?" asked Bart. There was a man standing on the lawn with a chainsaw. Lisa came over and looked. "Yes, that's him!" she cried. Bart opened the window.

"Hey you bum, get off our lawn"

"Hey, it's a free country!" he yelled back.

"Well, leave anyway!"

"No!"

"All right, you asked for it" Bart said. "Do your worst."

"My worst? Alright." Said the guy. He pulled out a phone and said something into it. A truck came up to the house and parked. Then there was a nosie, and 100 Humvees came flying down the street.

"BART! They're gonna kill us!" screamed Lisa.

The Humvees stepped on the gas and drove up the ramp. One came flying along, but it flew over the house and into the impound lot behind The Simpsons house.

"Oh, well that takes care of that" said Bart. He turned around and there was some guy with a beard. He picked up an axe and threw it at the kids. Bart jumped back and pulled Lisa to the ground, the ax just missing her.

"Grrr!" said the guy with the beard. Suddenly he was spear tackled by Homer.

"Why you little! Breaking into my axe storage shed…" he said.

Bart and Lisa looked out of the room, where Homer was strangling the guy.

"Boo!"

"AHHH!" screamed Lisa, as she jumped up and wrapped herself around Bart's head (you know what I mean).

But it was just Marge.

"Ha! Scared you!" she said.

"Well that's great Mum, now Lisa, can you get off my face?" said Bart.

"He he he, sorry about that," said Lisa, as she climbed off.

"That's it!" shouted Homer. "This house is too scary, we're moving right now!" He picked up the phone.

"Flanders!" he yelled. "Get over here and buy my house, we're moving! – What do you mean you don't have the money! Screw you!" and he slammed the phone down. Then he picked it up again.

"Hello, Real-Estate company? I want to sell my house. – What, you'll pay me 100,000 dollars for it! Deal!" said Homer, and he slammed down the phone.

"We're moving to somewhere else!" said Homer.


	2. Stuck in a Trophy

The moving trucks rolled up to the Simpsons old house, and the family bought out all their stuff and loaded it into the truck. Bart and Lisa walked back into the house and went up to Lisa's old room.

"I can't belive dad sold the house for no real reason, just because he was scared once" said Lisa.

"I know, and we don't even know where we're going!" Replied Bart. " But anything will be better than this crapshack."

"Hey!" said Lisa, frowning. "This is the only home I've ever known. It may not be the prettiest house, but was strong enough to be our home." she said, as she knocked on the wall. There was a cracking noise, as a shelf broke off. Lisa's 'Student of the Mellinium' trophy fell and landed on her head.

Bart burst into laughter, as Lisa grappled with the trophy.

"Ahh! It's stuck!" said Lisa, as she pulled at it. Bart laughed even harder.

"BART!" Lisa shouted. "Stop laughing and help me!"

Bart slowly stopped laughing.

"Ok, Ok, just let me take a photo first" he said, pulling out hid phone. He stood next to Lisa and photographed them. Lisa was getting angrier.

"Bart..." she growled.

"Alright, calm down."

Bart grabbed the trophy anjd gave it a good pull, but it was still stuck on Lisa's head.

"Oh Lisa!" Marge called up the stairs. "I forgot one of your school trophies on the shelf in your room, can you get it?"

"Uh - I'll make sure she gets stuck right into that" called back Bart.

* * *

Marge pulled on the trophy, but it wouldn't budge. Bart chuckled.

"See Lis?"

"See what?" she growled back.

"Oh right, you can't!" Bart laughed.

Marge grumbled at Bart.

"So how exactly did this happen?" she asked.

"I told you, the shelf fell down and it just landed on my head!" Lisa replied.

"Boy, I bet you had somthing todo with this." Homer said.

"I didn't, I swear!" said Bart.

Marge had tried unsuccsessfully to take the trophy off.

"Maybe we should go to the hospital" said Marge.

Homer looked at his watch. "No time Marge, if we aren't unloaded at the new house in 3 hours, they'll bill us for the weekend too!"

"Oh my!" said Marge. "We can't have that!" She jumped in the car.

"What about me?" said Lisa.

"Sorry Lisa, we'll deal with this in the car."

"Uh - Where's the car?" asked Lisa

"Mmmhmm... Bart! Help your sister into the car." Marge said.

Bart grabbed Lisa's hand and pulled her into the car. And they quickly sped away down the main road, as they had their last looks at Springfield (Well, all except Lisa).

* * *

"Dad, we've been all day, how much longer?" asked Bart.

"We've only been driving for 2 hours!" said Marge.

"This is so boring" said Bart. He looked across at Lisa, who was sleeping. "How can Lisa sleep with that thing on her head?" he asked.

"Quiet Bart, I'll turn on the radio if you'll shut up!" said Homer, and he flicked it on.

'My heart could take a chance...'

"AHH!" Homer screamed, quickly changing the channel.

"...And for everyone headed east, the traffic is banked up 500 miles thanks to a 12 limo pile-up!"

"Do'h" said Homer. "We'll have to take a back road!"

He quickly headed off the highway and onto a old dirt track, followed by the van.

"Homer, where are you going?" asked Marge.

"To avoid the traffic! Didn't you hear the radio?"

"But we aren't going east, we were going North!"

...

"Do'h!"

Homer quickly turned the car around and sped back to the highway.

'In other news, the Austrailian west-coast was today captured by the Chi-*'

"Stupid Radio!" said Homer, switching it off.

* * *

Everyone but Homer had fallen asleep. Suddenly he saw the turnoff to their new house. He turned into the driveway, followed by the truck.

But the driveway was long, and 5 minutes later he was still driving down it. Homer yawned and fell asleep too. Homer's foot was still on the accelerator, and it increased in speed. They kept going faster and faster, and suddenly they drove into a barn full of hay, stopping the car with a jolt, waking everyone up.

"We're here!" said Homer.

Everyone got out of the car and pushed through the hay.

"Homer, why is the car in here?" Marge asked suspisously.

"What? Where are we?" said Lisa, who was still in the car.

"Oh Lisa, said Marge. She walked over and got Lisa out of the car and held her hand and pulled her along.

"There it is!" said Homer, "Our new house!"

Marge and Bart looked at it in awe.

"Its-Its amazing!" said Marge

"Its huge!" said Bart

"I can't see anything!" said Lisa


	3. The New House

**Hi, sorry this has taken so long to update! But at the moment, I've planned ahead a long way in this story, and you can expect at least two chapters up tomorrow. Remember, I want people to review this, I need to know what people think. In this chapter, Homer shows the family their new uh… house? Enjoy! :P**

"Yep, that's one magnificent windmill!" said Homer.

"So where's the house?" asked Bart.

"Its just down that track" said Homer, pointing at a dirt road. They walked down it. It went towards the woods behind it. Suddenly Homer stopped.

"There it is!" said Homer. They all looked, and their jaws dropped.

It was a dump. A tiny two story house, made of crumbling brick on the lower story, and rotting wood on the second level. The windows were mostly just holes in the wood. Where there were remnants of glass, it was either shattered or cracked. The house wasn't painted, the bricks were a faded red and the planks were no more than pine wood. You couldn't tell if it had ever been painted at all.

Homer walked up to the front door. It hung off its hinges, slanted on an angle. He pushed it, and it fell down. Homer entered quickly, while everyone else stood in awe.

"Homer!" screamed Marge. "How much did you spend on this?"

"Don't worry, I got it cheap. Just $20,000!"

"We could of got a house twenty times better for just five times as much money!" screamed Marge, furious that they had spent anything on the building.

"What's going on?" asked Lisa, still stuck in the trophy. "Did Dad do something stupid again?"

"It's a complete dump, Lis," said Bart.

"Boy! Don't you call this a dump!" said Homer angrily. "Plus I didn't buy it for the looks out here, the inside makes up for everything!" he continued in a far happier tone.

They walked inside after Homer. The inside wasn't much better. They were in one large room. On the far wall, there were stairs heading off to the left. Just in front of this was a couch facing a blank wall. But you could hardly call it a couch. It was sown together with many different shades of brown fabric, and there were holes in it. It was sitting on a wooden floor. The floor was full of holes. It was plain wood, not floorboards. Through the holes, it could be seen that the wood was placed right on a layer of dirt. The wood was visibly damp in some places, and evidence of rotting and termites could be seen. On the right wall, there was a row of benches with cupboards in them. There was a place for a sink to go, but it was empty. Right next to them was a small round table. Homer went over and leant on it, and the table wobbled severely.

"This here is the living room, dining room and kitchen!" said Homer.

"The floor has holes in it!" said Marge in a worried but urgent tone. "Its not even painted!"

"Hold you thoughts to the end, please!" said Homer. He whisked them away down a corridor between the table and the couch. On the way they passed a room with a working door.

"What's in there?" asked Bart. "That's the bathroom!" said Homer. Bart opened the door. The walls and floor were covered in broken tiles. The shower screen was missing and the toilet had no seat, not that Bart minded. He closed the door and they continued on another few metres to a empty room.

"Marge, say hello to your new bedroom!" said Homer.

"Where's the bed!" asked Marge.

"We don't need a bed, there's one on the truck!"

"Where's the truck?" asked Bart.

"Hmm, good question…" replied Homer, as he drifted over to the window. He pulled out his mobile and quickly dialled a number.

"You lazy driver! Where are you? What? Its down the dirt track, stupid. Yes, the one on the left. Hey, I paid you! Well then screw you!" Homer put the phone in his pocket.

"Ah here's that truck, right on time." Homer said, as the truck came driving down the lane. It drove up outside of the house, and did a 3-point turn. The driver got out and opened the doors on the back of the truck. Then he pressed a button and the whole back end of the truck tipped upwards, dumping all their furniture and possesions onto the dirt.

"Screw you too!" shouted out the driver, and he drove away leaving a cloud of dust in his wake.

"We'll get that in a second." Said Homer.

"Homer, why did you buy this house?" asked Marge.

"I'll show you! Come on, look at this!" he said, as he lead them a bit futher down the hall to another closed door.

"Feast your eyes on this!" he said. He opened the door.

"How do you like those multi-million dollar views?"

"Dad, that's a picture of Castle Mountain"

…

"DO'H!"

"You bought this house because of that picture?" shouted Marge angrily.

"Well, I didn't know it was a picture!" said Homer. Marge was far too angry to listen.

"Let's just go and get that furniture in here."

They went outside and picked up the couch, carrying it inside and putting it on the floor next to the other couch. They them moved the other couch up parallel to the stairs and put their couch in its old position, giving them two couches. Next they bought in the mattress and bedframes, taking them to the bedroom, and setting them up. They all went outside again, and got a box each. Bart got one labled kitchen, Homer got one with 'Homer written on it ("Woohoo!"), and Marge got one for the bathroom. They took them to their septate rooms, and began placing stuff around the room when they Bart heard a car driving up the dirt track.

"Hey Homer, who's visiting us today?" asked Bart. Homer came over and looked. The car stopped just short of the pile of stuff. The doors opened, but it was still engulfed in a cloud of dust. But then Homer heard a noise that made him want to scream and run away as fast as he could.

"Hi-diddy-ho Simpsons!"


	4. Unpacking and Unsticking

"Flanders!" said Homer grumpily. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, didn't mean to bother you, but it seems you left your doormat behind!" replied Ned cheerfully.

"You drove a thousand miles to bring me a doormat?" Homer asked.

"Yes in-deedily-doodily!" said Ned. Marge walked outside.

"Homer, what are you doing?" she asked. Then she saw Ned. "Ned Flanders, what are you doing here?"

"Just returning your doormat" he relpied.

"How thoughtful!" said Marge.

"What an idiot" Homer said to himself.

Ned looked around him, and saw how much stuff was still lying on the ground.

"Do you folks need any help?" he asked.

"Well as it happens, we do!" said Homer, suddenly thankful of Ned's arrival. "Would you mind taking in some of these boxes?"

"Sure don't!" said Ned. Then he opened the doors of his car, and out jumped Rod and Todd. "Come on boys, we've got boxes to move!"

Everyone grabbed a box and they all dumped them inside on the floor. Ned looked around at the house.

"Well, this sure is one, uh, doodle of a, uh … fixable house…" Ned said.

"No need to sugar coat it, we know it's a dump" said Bart.

"BART!"

"Well, I'm sure you four can make this into a liv… Say, where's Lisa?" Ned asked.

"Oh my! We left her back in our bedroom!" Marge said in a worried tone. She quickly headed off down the hall. She poked her head into the bedroom , but Lisa wasn't in there. Suddenly she saw her walking around outside, with the trophy still stuck on her head. She had her arms out, waving them around, trying to find where everyone else went.

"Mum! Dad! Where are you?" she said, as she walked futher away. Suddenly she tripped on a tree stump and fell into a ditch. Marge came running over quickly.

"Lisa, are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine Mum."

"Why did you go anywhere anyway?"

"Well, I heard you all going somewhere, so I tried to follow you," Lisa said.

Marge took Lisa inside and sat her on the couch.

"Now you stay there. I'm going to call the fire department and get this confounded thing removed." said Marge. "Homer, where's your phone?"

Homer checked his pockets, but it wasn't there. "I must have lost it somewhere." he said. Marge moaned and started looking around for it. Flanders came up to Lisa.

"Oh my, what in the diddly happened here?" he said.

"A shelf broke and it fell on my head" said Lisa.

"I found the phone!" said Marge. "It was under the dog." She dialled 911.

"Hello 911, what's your emergency?"

"My daughter's got a trophy stuck on her head!"

"Sure she does."

"She does!"

"Ok, we'll send a fire truck right away. Who are you?"

"Marge Simpson."

"And your address?"

"Uh, its, uh… Homer! What's the address of this house?"

Homer shrugged his shoulders.

"Uh, well… we just moved in, and we don't quite know…"

"Of course. Next time you make a prank call, remember to think up an address."

And the phone hung up. Marge was furious.

"They hung up on me!" she said. Marge turned to Homer. "This is all your fault. How do you not know the address of this house you bought yesterday?"

"Well, they said they'd sent it in the post"

"WHAT?!" screamed Marge. "Why did I even let you choose a house?"

Lisa interrupted. "Will you two stop arguing? What am I supposed to do?"

Marge thought for a moment. "Well, we can try and get you out another way, and if we can't, we'll take you to the hospital tomorrow."

Lisa slouched down. "Well, I guess I have no choice."

Bart walked over. "Here, let me try." He moved his hands over the trophy in a mystical manner and spoke in a magical tone. "Abrara Kadabra, free Lisa's fat head!" he said as he grabbed the trophy and yanked it upwards.

"AHHHH!" screamed Lisa, as she was lifted up into the air by Bart.

"Bart, put her down!" said Marge sternly.

Bart obeyed her, and dropped Lisa back onto the couch.

"Say Marge," interrupted Ned, "Why don't I help Lisa while you cook dinner?"

"Ok, that sounds like a plan." Said Marge, and she walked outside, and came back carrying a big piece of beef, which she began to slice up. Ned bent down and looked closely at the trophy.

"Hmm, I don't know-diddly-what the doodly to do…" said Ned. Marge walked in with some garnish.

"Mmmm, beef…" he drooled. Ned looked up and saw some oil.

"Hey, we could use that to try and get her out!" said Ned. Marge quickly pulled him aside.

"Don't try and get her out before dinner, while she can't see I might be able to trick her into eating meat!" she whispered.

"Oh, gochya" said Ned. He picked up a straw and walked over. He ran the straw around the edge of the trophy.

"Oh dear, the oil tube won't fit!" said Ned. Lisa's mouth turned down even more.

"Will I ever get out of this?" said Lisa.

"Oh sure. I'll just go and modify this oil container so it will fit!" replied Ned.

It was now 6 o'clock. Everyone except Lisa and Marge helped bring in furniture. The house was far smaller than their Evergreen Terrace home, and it was very cramped. Homer put a lot of stuff in the attic. Ned installed a pet flap in the side door. Rodd and Todd got themselves locked in a closet they bought in after Bart pretended to be God. Lisa slept on the couch and listed to the radio.

"Dinner is ready!" said Marge. Everyone was famished from the long day and all the unpacking, and they all rushed up to the table, except for Lisa, who crashed into a wall.

Marge had made Lisa's dinner differently. She had boiled her meat, removing all the flavour from it, then wrapped it in lettuce. She gave it to Lisa, and everyone started eating, but kept one eye on Lisa. She sat there, still , waiting.

"Where is my plate?" she asked. Marge put Lisa's hand on the food. She picked up a piece of lettuce-meat, and put it in her mouth. She chewed. She swallowed.

Marge and everyone else did a silent celebration. They had got Lisa to eat meat!

"Mmm, that's good. What is it?" said Lisa.

"Just lettuce, that's all we have!" Marge replied.

"Oh really?" said Lisa. She spat out the piece of meat, and it hit Rodd in the face.

"Why would you try and trick me?" asked Lisa.

"Well, since we moved and we're starting a new life, I thought maybe you'd stopped always being different to everyone else." Said Marge.

"Why would I do that!" said Lisa, surprised at how silly Marge was.

There was an awkward silence as everybody sat around the table. Lisa eventually spoke.

"Mum, can you please get me some real salad?" she asked.

"Well sure sweetie" she said. She got up and got a box of some leftover Cesar salad, made especially without bacon. She poured it onto Lisa's plate and Lisa ate it, not finding any meat this time.

Soon everyone had finished eating.

"Mmm, that was delicious Marge!" said Ned.

"Yes, excellent beef. Mmm, Beef…." drooled Homer.  
"Now let's see if we can get Lisa's head out!" said Ned.

"Oh yes, I'll get the oil." said Marge. Ned lay Lisa on the table, and took the oil from Marge. He tipped it up and poured it in around the trophy.

"Ah! There's oil in my eyes!" said Lisa.

"Don't worry, you'll be out soon" said Ned. "Homer, grab her legs."

Ned and Marge held the trophy; Homer and Bart held Lisa's ankles.

"One, two, three, Pull!" said Ned, as they both pulled at once. Lisa screamed out in pain as they pulled. After a few seconds of pulling, finally they stopped.

"Sorry Lisa, it just won't budge," said Marge.

"Well what do we do now?" said Lisa. Bart yawned.

"Can't we just go to bed?" asked Bart.

"Yes," yawned Homer, "Now that you mention it, I suddenly feel very tired."

"Yes, let's all go to bed now." said Marge.

"But what about me?" said Lisa.

"Don't worry, we'll get you freed tomorrow" said Marge.

"But But But…" spluttered Lisa.

"Lisa, please, everyone's very tired. We'll fix your problem tomorrow" Homer said.

And everyone got ready to go to bed, with Flanders having bought a tent.


End file.
